


The way my trans themed boots crush transphobes is satisfying

by Littledanceingdragons



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Childhood Trauma, Deaf Character, Depression, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Orphans, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, References to Depression, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:33:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27066445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Littledanceingdragons/pseuds/Littledanceingdragons
Summary: A chat fic for fairy tail.Crazy Cousin: Transphobes aren't allowed.The Only Cis Allowed: You better of not hurt your hand again.Mother: I'm so proudWine Uncle: Good jobBaby Bro: …Baby Bro: Oh so when Rufus punches a transphobe it's " I'm so proud " but when I do it it's " Gray be more careful! " " Stop getting into fights! "
Relationships: Gray Fullbuster & Erza Scarlet, Gray Fullbuster & Lucy Heartfilia, Laxus Dreyar & Gray Fullbuster, Laxus Dreyar/Gajeel Redfox, Minerva Orland/Erza Scarlet/Mirajane Strauss, Natsu Dragneel/Gray Fullbuster, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Comments: 8
Kudos: 92





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I wanted to start off with a small chapter! I also do accept ship suggestions if there's a pairing you want to see! (Yes this is a based off a rant I posted on Tumblr.) 
> 
> Usernames   
> Gray- Baby Bro   
> Erza- Mother   
> Laxus- Wine Uncle   
> Rufus- Crazy Cousin  
> Rouge- The Only Cis Allowed   
> Sting- The Gremlin  
> Jellal- Star Kick Ass

**Trans Globe**

**The Gremlin added Gray Fullbuster.**

**The Only Cis Allowed:** Why Sting? 

**Crazy Cousin:** Another stolen child? 

**Gray Fullbuster:** What the fuck Sting 

**The Gremlin:** It was necessary! Besides we have a baby Trans here!!! 

**Gray Fullbuster:** .. 

**Star Kick Ass:** Hello Gray. Welcome to hell. 

**Gray Fullbuster:** I'm going to fucking kill him. 

**The Gremlin:** :0 

**The Only Cis Allowed:** No. Don't kill him. 

**Gray Fullbuster:** Why? 

**The Only Cis Allowed:** She will actually murder you. 

**Mother changed Gray Fullbuster's name.**

**Mother:** Welcome. 

**The Only Cis Allowed:** Oh god 

**Baby Bro:** ERZA 

**Mother:** You recognized me! 

**Baby Bro:** You are the only one that calls me this. 

**The Only Cis Allowed:** Oh so you know Erza? 

**The Gremlin:** I'm,,, 

**Baby Bro:** Yeah I grew up with her 

**Mother:** You are leaving out the fact that we live together Gray 

**Baby Bro:** How is that relevant? 

**Star Kick Ass:** How are you alive? 

**Baby Bro:** I'm already dead Inside 

**Mother:** Gray we talked about this 

**Baby Bro:** Nope don't remember 

**Wine Uncle:** Why the fuck is Gray here? 

**Baby Bro:** Shut it Laxus 

**Mother:** Yeah shut it Laxus 

**Wine Uncle:** I will murder you both 

**Baby Bro:** Please? Put me out of my misery 

**Star Kick Ass:** … 

**Star Kick Ass:** I like him. 

**Mother:** Don't encourage him 

**The Gremlin:** Maybe he can make you all come out of hiding and actually talk

**The Only Cis Allowed:** Not a fucking chance 

**The Gremlin:** :( 

**Baby Bro:** Lmao BYE Weirdos I gotta go b4 my best friend kills me 

**Mother:** Bye Have Fun! 

**Baby Bro:** I'm going to strangle you. 

**Wine Uncle:** How. 

**The Gremlin:** He said he was trans after I asked him about the pride pin on his bag & I had to add him here. 

**Crazy Cousin:** I still don't know why Rogue is here 

**The Only Cis Allowed:** Because Sting can't be in a gc without me apparently. 

**The Gremlin:** Hey! 

____________________________________

**Trans Globe**

**Mother:** @Baby Bro  Are you alive? 

**The Only Cis Allowed:** What happened? 

**Mother:** I saw him do a backflip off a wall. Maybe I should ask Lucy. 

**Wine Uncle:** Who's Lucy? 

**Mother:** The Blond. 

**Wine Uncle:** Oh. 

____________________________________

**Trans Globe**

**The Only Cis Allowed:** @Mother  Is he alive? 

**Mother:** Yes surprisingly. 

**The Only Cis Allowed:** Thank fuck 

**The Gremlin:** Language

**The Only Cis Allowed:** Bitch you curse worse than I do 

**Mother:** Sting you have no rights 

**The Gremlin:** No! 

**Mother:** Yes. Go sit in the corner and think about what you've done. 

**The Gremlin:** ;( 

____________________________________

**The clap of my ass cheeks keep alerting the guards**

**Wine Uncle:** Whom. 

**The Gremlin:** Gray. 

**Wine Uncle:** Thank you. 

____________________________________

**The clap of my ass cheeks keep alerting the guards**

**Baby Bro:** Sting you fucking SNITCH 

**The Gremlin:** :) 

**Baby Bro:** No fuckin perish 

**The Gremlin:** :0 

**The Gremlin:** >:0 

____________________________________

**The clap of my ass cheeks keep alerting the guards**

**Crazy Cousin shared a video.**

**[Video is set in a well lit room, Rufus' back is facing the camera. The room is filled with people with a circle cleared where Rufus is standing. The footage is shakey has it catches Rufus punching a person in front of him. There's a loud yell of " Trans Rights " before the video cuts out.]**

**Crazy Cousin:** Transphobes aren't allowed. 

**The Only Cis Allowed:** You better of not hurt your hand again. 

**Mother:** I'm so proud 

**Wine Uncle:** Good job 

**Baby Bro:** … 

**Baby Bro:** Oh so when Rufus punches a transphobe it's " I'm so proud " but when  _ I  _ do it it's " Gray be more careful! " " Stop getting into fights! " 

**Mother:** Because you fight men 10x your size 

**Baby Bro:** And I fucking win 

**Wine Uncle:** He has a point 

**Crazy Cousin:** We should punch transphobes together 

**Baby Bro:** Yes. 

____________________________________

**The clap of my ass cheeks keep alerting the guards**

**The Gremlin:** I can't believe that it's been a month since I've adopted Gray 

**Crazy Cousin:** Surprise adoption

**Mother:** Kidnapping 

**The Only Cis Allowed:** None of those things! 

**Mother:** Party pooper 

**The Only Cis Allowed:** Did you take your meds 

**Mother:** No 

**The Only Cis Allowed:** Go take them before I get Gray 

**Mother:** …. 

**Mother:** No 

**The Only Cis Allowed:** @Baby Bro 

**Baby Bro:** Erza. 

**Mother:** Fine. 

**Baby Bro:** That's what I fucking thought dumb bitch 

**Mother:** Cuddles? 

**Baby Bro:** After you take your meds. 

**Mother:** Okay 

____________________________________

**The clap of my ass cheeks keep alerting the guards**

**Baby Bro:** Erzas user is a lie she's a disaster 

**Mother:** You have to be put down 

**Baby Bro:** N o p e 

**The Gremlin:** But I like him 

**Mother:** Friendship? 

**The Gremlin:** Yes because I would  _ ever  _ date Gray 

**Baby Bro:** I hope the fuck you wouldn't 

**The Gremlin:** big mood 

**Mother:** Good. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Natsu Dragneel? You mean: Chronic dumbassary?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natsu appears. Him & Sting are brothers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo small tw for Jellal having a panic attack & needing Erza to get him out of public (it's right @ the beginning)

Trans Globe 

Star Kick Ass: Can someone find me? Please? 

Mother: What's wrong? Where are you? 

Star Kick Ass: Plaza. Hurry I can't stop shaking. 

Mother: I'm on my way Jellal. 

Baby Bro: Is he gonna be okay? 

Wine Uncle: Yeah Jellal just has episodes sometimes 

The Only Cis Allowed: Yeah he tends to deal with things differently than any of us 

Baby Bro: Okay 

____________________________________

Trans Globe

Baby Bro: Hi I would die for Jellal 

Star Kick Ass: Gray No! 

Baby Bro: Gray Yes. 

Wine Uncle: @Mother 

Mother: Gray No. 

Baby Bro: … 

The Gremlin: is he actually gonna,, 

Baby Bro: Gray No. 

Mother: Good. 

____________________________________

Trans Globe 

Baby Bro: Which one of you fucks changed the chat name back? 

The Only Cis Allowed: Laxus pressured me. 

Baby Bro: I see. 

____________________________________

In this household we are trans 

The Gremlin: I'm not complaining about this new chat name 

The Gremlin: I am however here to complain about Minerva who's a fucking tratior 

The Gremlin: So Minerva is my best friend besides Rouge and she's a tratior for blue shelling me in mario kart ON RAINBOW ROAD. 

Baby Bro: I dunno sounds like you deserved it 

The Gremlin: I did not! 

Baby Bro: Bullshit 

The Gremlin: I know where you sleep 

Baby Bro: You don't know where me & Erza live 

The Gremlin: … 

The Gremlin: I can find out 

Baby Bro: With what brain cells? 

The Gremlin: RUDE 

____________________________________

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs 

Fight the man: I'm just saying maybe you should give him a shot 

Authority issues: No. 

Fight the man: Will you consider meeting up with him at Pride? It gives you time. 

Authority issues: This is gonna go poorly I already know it 

Fight the man: Gray stop being a downer 

Fight the man: He's a super nice guy 

Authority issues: You said that about the last guy 

Authority issues: Who was outright transphobic 

Fight the man: It wasn't my finest hour 

Authority issues: It's never your finest hour 

Fight the man: Rude 

Fight the man: At least consider it 

Authority issues: No. 

Fight the man: If you seriously don't want to I will tell him you don't want to

Authority issues: Do it. I don't want to and not because I don't trust you, but I don't trust him. 

Fight the man: That's fair 

Authority issues: Yeah I just I can't 

Fight the man: That's okay Gray you don't have to explain yourself to me 

Fight the man: I get it 

Authority issues: Thanks 

Fight the man: No problem 

Fight the man: Wanna come over? 

Authority issues: Yeah sure 

Authority issues: Should be over in 5 

Fight the man: Just hurry before I eat all the cookies 

Authority issues: You fucking wouldn't 

Fight the man: I would 

Authority issues: Bitch 

____________________________________

In this household we are trans 

Baby Bro: @Mother I'm going to Lucy's 

Mother: Okay be safe have fun 

Star Kick Ass: Don't do drugs 

Crazy Cousin: Fistfight someone on your way over

Wine Uncle: Do better & murder them 

The Only Cis Allowed: No. Have fun Gray. 

The Gremlin: Don't kiss her while you are over there :p 

Baby Bro: Fucking Disgusting 

The Gremlin: :0 

The Gremlin: Alright you gay bitch 

Baby Bro: Fuck Off Factory Reject Dildo 

Wine Uncle changed The Gremlin's name. 

Factory reject dildo: I- 

____________________________________

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs 

Fight the man: Yo this boy is cute 

Fight the man shared an image. 

[The camera is peaking over the edge of a book facing a boy that's stretching in what appears to be a park. The boy is in a cutoff sleeve shirt & shorts. His wild pink hair is in clear view of the camera while everything else is blurry.] 

Authority issues: If only you could actually take pictures 

Fight the man: Shut up 

Authority issues: All jokes aside he is cute 

Fight the man: Yeah he's definitely built too 

Authority issues: Wack 

Fight the man: Poggers 

Authority issues: No 

Fight the man: Coward 

Authority issues: Shut the fuck up 

____________________________________

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs

Authority issues: Hello??? Dumb bitch are you okay???? 

Authority issues: Dude

Authority issues: I can see the read notification you asshole 

Fight the man: LISTEN OKAY HE ACTUALLY CAME OVER & ASKED ME WHY THE HELL I TOOK A PICTURE OF HIM 

Fight the man: He is totally your type. He even has piercings & a bad boy attitude. 

Authority issues: And let me guess? You fessed up awkwardly 

Fight the man: WELL YEAH 

Authority issues: Dumbass 

Fight the man: Are you free to come to the park tho????? 

Authority issues: Turn around dumbass

____________________________________

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs 

Authority issues: I hate you. 

Fight the man: You love me. 

____________________________________

In this household we are trans 

Baby Bro: So I have a guys number 

The Gremlin: Whom 

Wine Uncle: What's his social security? 

Mother: And address. 

Star Kick Ass: Also his daily schedule. 

Baby Bro: No. 

Mother: Yes 

Star Kick Ass: I will murder him for he even thinks about hurting you 

Baby Bro: You can do that later for now let me fucking gay panic 

The Gremlin: Again: WHOM 

The Only Cis Allowed: 1) No to all of you wanting to murder. 

Crazy Cousin: :( 

The Only Cis Allowed: 2) Give his name. 

The Gremlin: he said his name is Natsu Dragneel? 

The Gremlin: O H 

The Only Cis Allowed: oh 

Baby Bro: You two know him 

The Gremlin: He's my brother but go off I guess

Baby Bro: I regret my decision I'm leaving 

Mother: No you aren't 

Baby Bro: h 

The Gremlin: No like I 100% approve but I would punch him if he hurt you ever but I seriously doubt he would. 

Mother: That's good news 

Star Kick Ass: Can we meet him? I just wanna judge for myself :) 

The Gremlin: Hold up let me ask him & interrogate 

The Gremlin: Because we are not pressuring Gray 

____________________________________

A bi & a pan walk into a bar 

The Bi: Run Sting is going to question you 

The Pan: FUCKING HELL 

____________________________________

In this household we are trans 

The Gremlin: hEy gray wanna explain why my trust is now broken? 

Baby Bro: I'm a bad bitch you can't kill me 

Mother: You warned Natsu 

Baby Bro: Yes 

Mother: Good job you backstabbing bitch 

Baby Bro: Thank you 

The Only Cis Allowed shared an image. 

[The angle is wonky but you can clearly see a man with pink hair cowering in a tall tree.] 

The Only Cis Allowed: @The Gremlin 

The Gremlin: THANKS 

Baby Bro: dude,,, 

The Only Cis Allowed: Natsu ate my fucking poptarts 

____________________________________

A bi & a pan walk into a bar 

The Pan: Call rouge a bitch for me & leave flower @ my grave 

The Bi: Got it 

____________________________________

In this household we are trans 

Baby Bro: @The Only Cis Allowed Natsu says you are a bitch 

The Only Cis Allowed: Fucking ASSHOLE 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks hoes


	3. IM HERE FOR A GOOD TIME NOT A LONG TIME

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short memes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello I'm fucking depressed 
> 
> Trans kid chat (name changes a lot) 
> 
> Gray- Baby Bro   
> Erza- Mother   
> Laxus- Wine Uncle   
> Rufus- Crazy Cousin  
> Rouge- The Only Cis Allowed   
> Sting- The Gremlin to factory reject dildo to simp   
> Jellal- Star Kick Ass 
> 
> ChIcKeN nUgGeTs 
> 
> Lucy- Fight the man   
> Gray- Authority issues 
> 
> A bi & a pan walk into a bar 
> 
> Gray- The Bi   
> Natsu- The Pan

In this house we are trans 

Baby Bro: Sting I'm going to fucking skin you 

The Gremlin: No 

The Only Cis Allowed: Yes just shut up about your crush already 

The Gremlin: No 

Baby Bro: I will call him 

The Gremlin: :0 

The Gremlin: You wouldn't you fucking bitch 

Baby Bro: Guess I'm making a call 

The Only Cis Allowed: I'll hold him back 

Baby Bro: Thank you 

____________________________________

In this house we are trans 

Wine Uncle: What was the number you called to deal with Sting because I need to know 

Baby Bro shared a contact with Wine Uncle. 

Wine Uncle: Thank you 

Baby Bro: Np 

____________________________________

In this house we are trans

Mother: I'm screaming 

Mother: So me, Gray & Sting are hanging out and Sting starts talking about his crush 

Mother: Gray just looks at him and says: shut the fuck up simp 

Crazy Cousin: I am so proud 

Wine Uncle: We taught him well 

Mother: Yes we did 

The Gremlin: You are hurtful 

Baby Bro changed The Gremlin's name. 

Simp: I- 

Mother: GET REKTED 

____________________________________

A bi & a pan walk into a bar 

The Pan: I cannot believe,,

The Bi: Why? 

The Pan: I can't understand how Gajeel can have friends??? 

The Bi: Dude it's not that far fetched 

The Pan: Yes it is when you've seen the man grumble & snarl about seeing people 

The Bi: He does that because he's emotionally constipated 

The Pan: That's fair 

The Bi: Yeah dumbass 

The Bi: Oh yeah that reminds me. 

The Pan: What are you doing? 

The Bi: You'll see. 

The Pan: [Gay Fear] 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	4. Who's thirsty? Sting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New chats happen & the gays and the bees arrive. (Gray is secretly a fucking sap)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey let's just pretend I didn't fucking drop off the planet for a bit. I need stress relief that won't distract me from school so here we are 
> 
> Anyways hope everyone is saying safe & let's get to the mess I spent too long on:  
> Trans kid chat (name changes a lot) 
> 
> Gray- Baby Bro  
> Erza- Mother  
> Laxus- Wine Uncle  
> Rufus- Crazy Cousin  
> Rouge- The Only Cis Allowed  
> Sting- The Gremlin to factory reject dildo to simp  
> Jellal- Star Kick Ass 
> 
> ChIcKeN nUgGeTs 
> 
> Lucy- Fight the man  
> Gray- Authority issues 
> 
> A bi & a pan walk into a bar 
> 
> Gray- The Bi  
> Natsu- The Pan 
> 
> The gays + the dumbasses  
> Gray- Thot supreme  
> Natsu- Simp 2.0  
> Gajeel- Airport Securities Menace  
> Sting- Simp  
> Jellal- Thot™  
> Rouge- The Brain Cell  
> Laxus- The Drunk Relative  
> Erza- Eye See  
> Cobra- Snake  
> Wendy- The Good One 
> 
> The siblings & the hoes:  
> Gray  
> Erza  
> Natsu- 💞  
> Minerva  
> Mira

A bi & a pan walk into a bar 

The Pan: I literally hate you 

The Bi: That's not what you said last night coward 

The Pan: SHUT UR UP 

The Bi: You cuddled me and told me you love me so much you'd rather die than be without me you sappy bitch 

The Pan: Why 

The Bi: Because you are adorable when you blush 

The Pan: SHUT IT 

____________________________________

Hi mY nAmE iS yOuR mOm 

Wine uncle: Gray Fullbuster. 

Baby Bro: No

The Only Cis Allowed: Laxus don't kill him 

Star Kick Ass: Is this what your character is used for? Memery? 

The Only Cis Allowed: Absolutely you wrinkled pickle 

Baby Bro: You've been spending too much time with Sting 

The Only Cis Allowed: So? 

Baby Bro: Gay 

Mother: Gay 

The Only Cis Allowed: Stop and maybe the demons of hell won't skin you 

simp: gay 

Star Kick Ass: gay 

Wine Uncle: Gay 

The Only Cis Allowed: Blocked and reported 

The Only Cis Allowed: Also fuck you Sting 

____________________________________

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs 

Fight the man: I'm just saying it would solve all of your problems instantly 

Authority issues: Lucy murder is illegal 

Fight the man: if you get caught 

Authority issues: No. 

____________________________________

A bi & a pan walk into a bar 

The Bi: Lucy is trying to get me to commit murder again 

The Pan: Tell her the gods are watching and they will remember her misdeeds 

The Bi: Fucking bet 

____________________________________

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs 

Authority issues: The Gods are watching and they will remember your misdeeds against this world. 

Fight the man: what the fuck? You even used capitalization? And a period?! I'm so proud 

Authority issues: You stuffed your bra in the 8th grade shut the fuck up 

Fight the man: HOW DARE YOU 

Authority issues: Bet or I'll fucking tell. 

Fight the man: … 

Fight the man: fuck you 

Authority issues: (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

____________________________________

Don't talk down to me young man 

Mother: how do I get Gray to stop screeching like a demon? 

The crazy cousin: Hit him 

Wine Uncle: Try smothering it with a pillow 

Mother: No 

Simp: Natsu might know 

Mother: Good idea! Surprisingly. 

Simp: Hey!!! 

____________________________________

Erza created a chat room. 

Erza named the chat: The gays + the dumbasses 

Erza changed Erza's name. 

Eye See changed Gray's name. 

Eye See changed Stings' name. 

Eye See changed Rouge's name. 

Eye See changed Natsu's name. 

Eye See changed Laxus' name. 

Eye See changed Cobra's name. 

Eye See changed Jellal's name. 

Eye See changed Gajeel's name. 

Eye See changed Wendy's name. 

Eye See: How do I get Gray to shut the fuck up? 

Simp: You already asked this. 

Eye See: I need an answer still you slut 

Thot™: Erza what the fuck? 

Eye See: Later Jellal. 

The Drunk relative: Holy fuck 

Simp: That's me!!! 

The Brain Cell: Silence nothing about you is holy 

Snake: Why am I here 

Airport Securities Menace: Erza what the Absolute Fuck. 

Eye See: Why is no one answering my fucking question? 

Simp 2.0: He needs a weighted blanket and headphones. Preferably with the volume on 13 & his ' I'm fucking depressed ' playlist. 

Eye See: Okay thank you Natsu 

Simp 2.0: Np 

Airport Securities Menace: Why is he here?! 

Simp 2.0: Bitch we are related 

Simp: Yeah Gajeel don't be mean 

Thot supreme: I fucking hate you 

Simp 2.0: You okay Baby? 

Thot supreme: Yes you are the only one I love at the moment 

The Good One: What's happening? Is everything okay? 

Eye See: Don't worry sweetie!!! 

Thot supreme: You named me this,,, named everyone else that & you ADDED FUCKING WENDY?! 

Eye See: Ah I may of made a mistake 

Thot supreme: YOU MAY HAVE?! 

Eye See: I just wanted to include her!!! 

Eye See: She hasn't met Natsu yet! 

Simp 2.0: Erza I literally am in tears right now. You named me this and I'm just now meeting Wendy. 

The Good One: It's okay Natsu! I'm sure you are more than Erza says you are! 

Simp 2.0: Are you sure she's your sister? 

Thot supreme: Yes

The Drunk relative: Are you  _ serious?  _

Snake: I can't- She's genuinely  _ your  _ sister? 

Eye See: Yes we get it me and Gray are bitches MOVING ON 

The Brain Cell: I hate it here. 

____________________________________

The gays + the dumbasses 

Thot™: It's later and I'm fucking irritated. 

Eye See: Let's call! It will be easier to explain! 

Thot™: Bet 

____________________________________

Being trans is like breathing you fucking bitch 

Baby Bro: You two good? 

Star Kick Ass: Yes 

Mother: Yes! 

Baby Bro: Good. 

Baby Bro: Is it anything serious? 

Star Kick Ass: No I was just well trauma reacting 

Mother: Are you still okay? I know you are non-verbal right now but would you like some tea? 

Star Kick Ass: Yes please 

Baby Bro: Glad you two got your shit together 

____________________________________

ERZA SCARLET YOU ARE DEAD 

Mother: oh no 

Baby Bro: Wanna explain how you have 2 whole gfs I didn't know Jack shit about? 

Mother: uhhhhhhhh 

Baby Bro: :) 

The Only Cis Allowed: And she didn't tell you? She told me she told you. 

Baby Bro: Erza. 

Baby Bro: Get your ass up here before I kick you down the stairs. 

Mother: OMW 

____________________________________

  
  


DM 

Jellal: Are you okay? 

Erza: Yes I explained I shouldn't of kept it from him I was just scared 

Jellal: that's understandable 

Erza: Yes I can see now I was irrational

Jellal: and that's fine 

Erza: yes I am allowed to have human emotions 

Jellal: He already gave you the talk 

Erza: Yes I am very loved & cared for 

Jellal: as it should be 

Erza: Thank you for checking in 

Jellal: Ofc you are my best friend 

Erza: I appreciate you <3 

Jellal: Love you too little shit 

____________________________________

Gray made a chat. 

Gray named the chat: interrogation. 

Gray added Erza, Mira and Minerva. 

Gray: Welcome to hell 

Erza: Oh you were serious 

Gray: You really thought I was going to allow them to fucking get out of this because of  _ work?  _

Erza: you know what that's fair 

Gray: yes so you are here to stop me from going to far & I'm going over the agreed script because I may be over protective but I am not here to trigger anyone 

Mira: Oh hello!!! I do appreciate you reaching out about it! It definitely made my anxiety a little easier!!! 

Erza: Gray is very kind and I love him 

Gray: Wow love you too 

Erza: Yes it's appreciate my brother time 

Gray: No it's interrogation time 

Erza: Appreciating afterwards? 

Gray: fine 

Minerva: Hello. 

Erza: Oh before forget Gray Minerva is a lot like you in the way you literally just bottle your feelings behind a bitchy mask so don't mind her 

Gray: Ah calling me out already 

Erza: sh and get on with it 

____________________________________

Interrogation 

Mira: I am somehow terrified for my life

Minerva: You really are terrifying I would hate to get on your wrong side 

Gray: :) 

Erza: Gray you overdramatic shit 

Gray: It's not over dramatic if I'm just gay

Erza: You are bisexual actually & you literally have a boyfriend who's gayer than you are 

Erza: You have transcended Gay 

Minerva: A life long goal 

Gray: And? Why are you mentioning Natsu? What are you up to? 

Erza: :D 

Gray: Oh god no GET AWAY JAHDJSKS SHSHSIDKDKODKS 

Gray added Natsu. 

Gray changed Natsu's name. 

💞: Why am I here? 

Gray: My cursed fucking sistsjjdkdkdkdoodsjjdjdHSHDYDIDKID 

Gray changed the chat name: Siblings & the hoes 

Mira: How rude! I am at least a girlfriend! 

Erza: of course sweetheart! 

Gray: Erza why did you do this 

Erza: You mean why did I change Natsu's name to your contact name for him or why did I add him? 

Gray: You fucking BITCH 

💞: this is my contact name? 

Minerva: You should marry him. 

💞: fuck that's fair 

Minerva: Yes I would marry someone if they changed my contact name to hearts. 

Mira: 👀 

Erza: 👀

Gray: Gay 

____________________________________

Minerva is a fuck 

The Only Cis Allowed: Don't even- GOD 

Simp: what did she do? 

The Only Cis Allowed: You saw 

Simp: Oh but you looked so cute! 

The Only Cis Allowed: BITCH- 

Baby Bro: what happened?!??? 

The Only Cis Allowed: Minerva fucking betrayed me is what 

Simp: She did Rouge's make up & it's glittery 

Simp: instead of his usual black or red eyeshadow and liner 

Baby Bro: What color tho? 

The Only Cis Allowed: Silver 

Baby Bro: At least she kept to your emo color palette 

The Only Cis Allowed: Bitch I will stab you 

Simp: Rouge no 

Star Kick Ass: Rouge yes 

Star Kick Ass: If you want I can help you fix her mess 

The Only Cis Allowed: Thank you 

The Only Cis Allowed: friendship ended with Sting Jellal is now my only friend 

Baby Bro: well fuck you too I guess 

The Only Cis Allowed: shut up I can't alter the meme!!

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading & uh sorry for just up and disappearing???? Yeah. 
> 
> Also small plot things that are going to happen now:  
> New relationships in the works: Rouge/Sting/Jellal  
> Some random shit I added in here:  
> Wendy, Gray & Erza- Adopted siblings  
> Gajeel, Natsu & Sting- Adopted siblings  
> Laxus always has " drunk " something in his username has a fucking running joke bc he got wasted one time & declared it had to happen  
> Everyone is their canon ages!! (NOT COUNTING WHATEVER WEIRD TIMEY WIMEY BULLSHIT THE S-CLASS ARC WAS OR THE WEIRD BULLSHIT THAT HAPPENED WITH THE DRAGONSLAYERS. THIS IS GOING OFF OF PHYSICAL AGE.)  
> Also Erza is missing her eye here stop forgetting she has a fake eye you cowards


	5. Attack & dethrone Laxus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Depression with a new ship on the side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so tags are going to be added. It's like 1 in relationships & one in additional tags!!!! (Also a name change happens it's listed below!) 
> 
> Trans kid chat (name changes a lot) 
> 
> Gray- Baby Bro  
> Erza- Mother  
> Laxus- Wine Uncle  
> Rufus- Crazy Cousin  
> Rouge- The Only Cis Allowed  
> Sting- The Gremlin to factory reject dildo to simp  
> Jellal- Star Kick Ass 
> 
> ChIcKeN nUgGeTs 
> 
> Lucy- Fight the man  
> Gray- Authority issues 
> 
> A bi & a pan walk into a bar 
> 
> Gray- The Bi  
> Natsu- The Pan 
> 
> The gays + the dumbasses  
> Gray- Thot supreme  
> Natsu- Simp 2.0  
> Gajeel- Airport Securities Menace  
> Sting- Simp to Gay Bottom  
> Jellal- Thot™  
> Rouge- The Brain Cell  
> Laxus- The Drunk Relative  
> Erza- Eye See  
> Cobra- Snake  
> Wendy- The Good One 
> 
> The siblings & the hoes:  
> Gray  
> Erza  
> Natsu- 💞  
> Minerva  
> Mira

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs 

Authority issues: Bitch what do you want? 

Fight the man: Pudding & some chicken!! 

Authority issues: Ight me & Nats are going over 

Fight the man: ugh of course you brought your mans 

Authority issues: shut the fuck up he's a precious ray of sunshine 

Fight the man: He keeps calling me a stalker! 

Authority issues: then perish 

Fight the man: :0 

Fight the man: stop booing me I'm right!! 

_________________

GRAY YOU SHITHEAD 

The Only Cis Allowed: what did he do now? 

Crazy Cousin: Oh come on! It was funny 

Wine Uncle: Why am I not suprised you are involved? 

Mother: You encouraged him to fight a man who's around 200 pounds of pure muscle and 6'5. 

Crazy Cousin: Gray's 6 foot Erza he could handle a guy with 5 inches on him 

Mother: That plus the 200 pounds is why he has a black eye right now you idiot 

Crazy Cousin: He only has one because the dudes girlfriend was fast and afterwards he bodied her into a table so clearly he was doing fine 

Mother: I'm sorry what??? 

Crazy Cousin: She deserved it for calling him the word we don't fuckin say around here 

Mother: She said that? 

Crazy Cousin: Yeah and Gray beat both of their asses for it 

Mother: I see. 

Baby Bro: Yeah Erza clearly I fucking won and I'm definitely better off 

Baby Bro: Besides you act like I can't handle myself I know what I'm doing 

Mother: I know that I just hate it when you get hurt 

Baby Bro: I understand that but I'll be fine it's just a black eye 

Star Kick Ass: I'm alerting Natsu 

Baby Bro: BITCH NO HE'LL MURDER ME 

Simp: It's what he deserves 

The Only Cis Allowed: Tragic 

_________________

A bi & a pan walk into a bar 

The Pan: Gray what the absolute fuck 

The Bi: Babe listen it's not that bad 

_________________

Fuck all of you 

Baby Bro: I hope you are happy bc he's fucking cryin 

Mother: tragic maybe don't get into fights and worry him 

Baby Bro: Fuck 

_________________

A bi & a pan walk into a bar 

The Pan: Call? 

The Bi: Look outside babe 

_________________

The gays + the dumbasses 

Thot™: You two okay? 

The Drunk Relative: If you aren't I can send over cookies 

Thot supreme: We are okay but we want cookies 

Snake: Bet 

The Brain Cell: Mayhaps you both should stop lighting shit on fire 

Simp 2.0: No fuck you 

The Brain Cell: I will take your matches you bitch 

Thot supreme: But this is the only thing bringing us joy 

The Brain Cell: You are lighting your empty cigarette box on fire 

Thot supreme: and? 

Airport Securities Menace: You smoke??? 

Thot supreme: Yes 

The Good One: Gray it's been a while since you've had a relapse 

Thot supreme: I'm fine just fucking stressed 

The Good One: Did you try all of those methods your therapist taught you? 

Thot supreme: Yes didn't work 

Simp 2.0: He was really bad Wendy 

The Brain Cell: I'm gonna take your lighter that's your second cig 

Thot supreme: Fair enough 

Eye See: Gray why are you smoking again? 

The Good One: He was freaked out enough 

Eye See: that's not a good thing none of it is 

The Brain Cell: Stop worrying so much right now he's only had 2 I just took his lighter and everything that can light shit on fire is locked away 

Eye See: Good 

Eye See: What caused this? 

Airport Securities Menace: It was or this was at least part of it but a few jerks by the corner store Natsu & Gray get their drinks from started talking shit 

Airport Securities Menace: They may or may not all have a broken nose or worse 

The Drunk Relative: Did you fuck up your prosthetic? 

Airport Securities Menace: Nah it's fine 

The Drunk Relative: That's good 

Simp: We should all hang out 

The Brain Cell: The majority of us are already here 

Snake: You and Gajeel are the only ones missing 

Airport Securities Menace: Bitch I'm getting drinks I'm not " missing " 

Snake: my bad we sent Gajeel out it's just you 

Simp: :0 and y'all didn't call me fucking rude 

The Brain Cell: You are at work right now 

Simp: I just got off whose house we at?

Eye See: Natsu's it's the biggest 

Snake: don't remind me that he's somehow fucking rich 

Simp 2.0: bitch just be happy I have a goddamn theater and we can die on the floor like the heathens we all are 

Eye See: I didn't see it coming either Cobra I thought he wasn't going to be from good money 

Thot supreme: The bitch has under amour he's definitely fucking rich 

Simp 2.0: Oh please you love me 

Thot supreme: Yeah fine 

Thot™: The rat is here 

Simp: Excuse you bitch 

Thot™ changed Simp's name. 

Gay Bottom: YOU WHORE 

The Brain Cell: Wow you really called him out 

Eye See: Is this because you all fucked three days ago or? 

Gay Bottom: how do you know that? 

Thot™: Because fuck you I talk to her 

Gay Bottom: You talk to her about our sex lives 

Eye See: I talk to him about mine so shut up 

The Brain Cell: Aren't you two hoe buddies? 

Thot™: Yeah we don't fuck each other but we talk to each other about who we fuck 

The Drunk Relative: That's fair enough 

Thot supreme: Isn't ever your hoe buddy? 

The Drunk Relative: Yeah what's about it?.

Thot supreme: Congratulations 

The Drunk Relative: Wait fuck how do you know about that 

Eye See: are you hiding something Laxus? 

Simp 2.0: I'll give you a hint he was just awfully nice to them 

The Drunk Relative: SHUT THE FUCK UP 

The Brain Cell: It's Gajeel. 

Airport Securities Menace: YOU FUCKING BITCH OF A BROTHER 

The Brain Cell: You deserve it 

Simp 2.0: Yes they are dating & yes Laxus is gonna murder me and Gray 

Eye See: He can murder you not my brother 

Thot supreme: But sis!!! I love him!! 

Eye See: Then perish 

Simp: So Laxus and Gajeel fucked finally? 

Snake: Stop talking Wendy is here 

The Good One: I don't want to be 

_________________

DM 

Gajeel: Well fuck 

Laxus: I guess we just suffer now 

Gajeel: I hate every last one of them 

Laxus: Same 

Gajeel: Cuddles now. 

Laxus: alright fine jfc 

_________________

The gays + the dumbasses

Thot supreme sent an image. 

[ID: Laxus and Gajeel are curled up together on a pile of blankets. There's light coming from one direction where a tv may be and there's a pikachu plushie in the background.] 

Eye See: Ha gay 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes Gajeel is missing both of his hands and has cool ass prosthetics!!! I thought it would be neat to reference his magic :D oh yeah there's no magic here sjjdkdkd I forgot to mention that maybe I'm pretty sure I did??? I don't know


	6. That emotional rollercoaster: Is it fluff again or are my feelings getting hurt?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spoliers: It's angst AND fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so!!!! There's like talk to Zeref here it's literally the same plot shit (minus Turning Natsu into a demon, Bringing him back from the dead & any other magic bullshit I don't remember that's involved) but like no magic. And trigger warnings of harassment, sexual harassment, Following people to be fucking disgusting, gangs, fighting, violence, medical terms (a word but whatever), implied attempted murder, brief mention of bribing law enforcement (implied), Cops aren't exactly present it's just at most a 2 line mention. Mention of a mental health facility & arrest (Both related to Zeref), Slight implied partially mute Natsu (In extreme emotional distress he can't make his voice work.), Mention of murder, being held hostage & emotional & physical abuse 
> 
> Trans kid chat (name changes a lot) 
> 
> Gray- Baby Bro  
> Erza- Mother  
> Laxus- Wine Uncle  
> Rufus- Crazy Cousin  
> Rouge- The Only Cis Allowed  
> Sting- The Gremlin to factory reject dildo to simp  
> Jellal- Star Kick Ass  
> Lucy- Second child 
> 
> ChIcKeN nUgGeTs 
> 
> Lucy- Fight the man  
> Gray- Authority issues 
> 
> A bi & a pan walk into a bar 
> 
> Gray- The Bi  
> Natsu- The Pan 
> 
> Accident Prone Bitches  
> Gray  
> Natsu  
> Erza  
> Lucy 
> 
> The gays + the dumbasses  
> Gray- Thot supreme  
> Natsu- Simp 2.0  
> Gajeel- Airport Securities Menace  
> Sting- Simp to Gay Bottom  
> Jellal- Thot™  
> Rouge- The Brain Cell  
> Laxus- The Drunk Relative  
> Erza- Eye See  
> Cobra- Snake  
> Wendy- The Good One  
> Lucy- HURTfila
> 
> The siblings & the hoes:  
> Gray  
> Erza  
> Natsu- 💞  
> Minerva  
> Mira

The gays + the dumbasses 

The Good One: Hi I like gorl 

Snake: It's okay take your time 

The Good One: Girl 

The Brain Cell: You are doing amazing sweetie 

The Good One: Girl pretty 

Eye See: Yes good job Wendy 

___________

Simp 2.0: Gray's fucking pretty and I'm not handling it

Gay Bottom: Seems kinda gay 

Simp 2.0: He's my boyfriend 

Snake: Gay 

Simp 2.0: I know where you sleep 

Snake: do you rlly??? 

Simp 2.0: Yuh 

Snake: I live in fear now 

Thot supreme: Wow that's my boyfriend everyone 

Eye See: We get it none of us are straight 

Airport Securities Menace: I mean you aren't wrong 

Thot supreme: Aren't I like half straight? 

Eye See: No there's nothing gayer than being Bi 

The Drunk Relative: Yes being Bi is the peak of gay how dare you assume otherwise 

The Brain Cell: You are only agreeing because you are bi 

The Drunk Relative: And? 

The Brain Cell: Have some class you heathen 

___________

Gray's name is one letter away from Gay 

Star Kick Ass: Listen I know it's fucking 4am but I just had a realization 

The Only Cis Allowed: Holy fuck you are right

Wine Uncle: That means he's the gayest of us all 

Crazy Cousin: Wild 

simp: Don't remind me bitch 

Star Kick Ass: Shut the fuck up you are awake with me 

The Only Cis Allowed: And now I'm awake 

Star Kick Ass: Congratulations 

simp: You literally threw a pillow at him 

Star Kick Ass: Shut I'm sleep deprived 

Mother: When was the last time you slept? 

Star Kick Ass: But- 

Mother: No 

Star Kick Ass: :/ 

The Only Cis Allowed: Ah so you've been fake sleeping and waiting until we are asleep 

Star Kick Ass: No? I've actually been wide awake when you guys go to sleep 

simp: Seems fake 

Mother: No he does that sometimes 

Baby Bro: Okay first off which one of you sick motherfuckers started this 

Baby Bro: Jellal go the fuck to bed before I drug you to sleep 

Star Kick Ass: Roger 

Baby Bro: Good 

simp: Damn he rlly went to fucking bed 

Baby Bro: You are next 

simp: I'm sorry 

The Only Cis Allowed: Please don't murder my bf 

Baby Bro: Fine 

Mother: coward 

Wine Uncle: rid us of this curse

simp: excuse you bitch 

The Only Cis Allowed: Both of you perish 

The Only Cis Allowed: Sting is a delight and we love him 

Baby Bro: I mean you love him but he's not a fuckin delight 

simp: shit you right 

___________

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs 

Fight the man: Hey uh I wanted to tell you this because like I'm,,, uhhh I'm nonbinary,,, Please use they/them for me 

Authority issues: A fellow trans 

Fight the man: ajsjjdjd yeah 

Authority issues: I gotta add ur ass to a gc hold on 

Fight the man: Oh no 

___________

Give me the fucking bees

Baby Bro added Lucy to Give me the fucking bees. 

Baby Bro changed Lucy's name. 

Second child: what's this? 

Baby Bro: Welcome to the trans community in this horrid town 

simp: I'm so proud you have adopted another 

Baby Bro: quiet thot 

Second child: Y'all really go ham here huh? 

Baby Bro: because there's always transphobes everywhere else bitch 

Crazy Cousin: Another Child? 

Wine Uncle: Fresh Blood? 

Second child shared an image. 

[ID: A man with glasses has one arm on the wall with a pan braced out in front of him turned at an angle. His expression is terrified and he appears to be screaming. Captioned: Gay fear.] 

Crazy Cousin: I love this child already 

Star Kick Ass: Ah another meme 

simp: how tragic 

The Only Cis Allowed: Fucking perish the both of you 

Star Kick Ass: Love you too 

Mother: Lucy!!! 

Second child: Erza!!! 

Baby Bro: Mkay so small introduction say name & pronouns like y'all did with me 

simp: Bet 

simp: I'm Sting! He/him & You've probably seen me before around Gray annoying him 

Mother: Erza she/her & you already know me 

Star Kick Ass: Jellal he/him & uh fuck I don't know??? I'm blue???? 

The Only Cis Allowed: He means he has blue hair his skin isn't blue 

Second child: good to know 

Star Kick Ass: jsjsjdjd sorry 

The Only Cis Allowed: You are fine babe & hi I'm Rouge he/him I'm not trans at all but I am an ally (I wouldn't be here if I wasn't) I'm mostly here to be Stings (my other boyfriends) brain cell 

simp: :/ 

Crazy Cousin: Rufus he/they & I'm the one the cis & straights refer to has " the sinner " in that condescending tone that gets the majority of them punched 

Wine Uncle: Laxus he/him & I've met you like once and I remember scaring you on accident 

Second child: You have a very convincing resting bitch face 

Wine Uncle: That's fair my boyfriend is worse tho for some reason 

Second child: That's terrifying 

Wine Uncle: Yes it is 

Baby Bro: He's dating Gajeel the guy that's friends with Levy 

Second child: You mean the practically six foot terrifying man that my best friend managed to bond with? 

Mother: Yes 

simp: If it makes you feel better I grew up with the asshole he's not that bad 

Baby Bro: Bullshit but okay 

simp: You are literally his favorite you don't get to say bullshit 

Wine Uncle: I'm the favorite he's the second favorite 

simp: Fair 

The Only Cis Allowed: Why are you dragging my brother? 

Second child: I'm not I value my life 

Baby Bro: I don't 

The Only Cis Allowed: Gray you suicidal bitch 

Baby Bro: Perish scum 

Mother: He's wrapped up in five different blankets somehow 

Baby Bro: don't fuckin expose me 

Mother: I do what I want 

Second child: Sorry I forgot to introduce myself I got distracted by my bitch of a best friend 

Second child: I'm Lucy and I go by They/Them 

Second child: I'm sure the majority of you have seen me at some point 

The Only Cis Allowed: We literally share a class together and are trying to figure out fucking statistics 

Second child: Bitch????? Is rouge a nickname??? 

Baby Bro: Shit yeah his actual name is Raios we all just call him Rouge 

Second child: RAS MY FUCKING BRAIN CELL 

The Only Cis Allowed: Jfc I had some sort of hope gray didn't ruin your mental health but ya know 

Second child: No I ruined his first 

Baby Bro: bullshit 

Mother: I agree with Gray here 

Second child: Fine then I made it worse 

Baby Bro: there you go 

Mother: you both say this like you haven't shared coping mechanisms 

Second child: Smoking is a great coping mechanism 

Baby Bro: Yes 

Wine Uncle: None of that 

simp: Damn y'all just traumatized on main 

Baby Bro: you've never been held hostage with a literal serial killer who murdered your parents and it shows bitch 

Second child: you've never had an abusive father who manipulates you & hits you when you " do something wrong " which is basically just fucking existing and it shows 

simp: Shit y'all popped off 

Second child: I'm bitter 

Mother: Fair enough would you like hot chocolate? 

Baby Bro: yes 

Second child: Bitch I'm going over just for that hot chocolate 

Star Kick Ass: Is it time to break into Gray and Erza's house? 

The Only Cis Allowed: I'm already here so hurry the fuck up 

Wine Uncle: Bet 

___________

A bi & a pan walk into a bar 

The Bi: How close are you to 26th St? 

The Pan: 3 minutes if I respect the law 

The Bi: Can you please get Erza and Lucy? Someone's following them. I know Erza could handle it but there's a possibility of it being more than one person. 

The Pan: Big bet I'll beat a skull in if I have to 

___________

DM 

Natsu: Yo stop at that blue shop & wait tell the cashier Natsu sent you 

Erza: Okay 

Lucy: What's the ETA? 

Natsu: Less than a minute I'd rather just be safe about it 

Erza: Okay thank you 

Natsu: No prob 

___________

DM 

Lucy: What the fuck is your boyfriend made of??? 

Gray: Ah did he get into a fight 

Erza: They stopped him at the door and asked if he's seen their " dear two lost sisters " 

Lucy: He threw a guy into a fucking wall 

Lucy: Why didn't you tell me you are dating a tank? 

Gray: You saw him in a sleeveless jacket Lucy he's clearly not weak 

Erza: I am just impressed he was that fast for his size 

Gray: He's literally a fucking heathen of course he's fast 

Gray: I'm convinced it's because he would blow shit up when he was younger 

Erza: Ah a true rascal 

Gray: Yeah he's pretty much a fucking thug not gonna lie 

Lucy: Seriously? 

Gray: He got into a  _ lot  _ of fights in school 

Gray: Natsu's fucking batshit but he won't hit anyone if they didn't do shit to deserve it 

Lucy: But like not involved in illegal shit? 

Gray: Nope his mom was a firefighter he's definitely grown up on the " right " side of the law he just doesn't give a shit about the law when one of his friends just got the shit beaten out of them 

Erza: That's fair actually I wouldn't react well either 

Gray: I sure as fuck wouldn't besides we can't judge him for that when we are 10x worse

Lucy: damn you are right 

Gray: Especially you bitch fuckin crazy 

Gray: You all okay tho? I don't need to grab the kit? 

Erza: Natsu needs a cut stitched but that's about it 

Gray: That idiot 

Lucy: He is one but he's also a little pissy still 

Erza: Yes he might just need to lay down 

Gray: I'll make him don't worry 

___________

Natsu made a chat. 

Natsu named the chat: Accident Prone Bitches. 

Natsu added Gray, Lucy, Erza. 

Natsu: I swear to fuck STOP GETTING IN TROUBLE 

Gray: You have no right to fucking tell me that mr let me break this guy's skull in 

Erza: I may of gone a little overboard 

Natsu: A LITTLE?! 

Natsu: Gray you fucking bitch shut up for a second that was 1) years ago and 2) he wouldn't get off of me so bitch deserved it 

Lucy: That's a valid reason 

Gray: Natsu I swear 

Natsu: No heck you and listen 

Gray: FINE

Natsu: I literally had to bail all of you out of fucking jail bc you just had to trash the bar 

Natsu: I then had to convince the fucking cops to not throw you idiots into trail or lock you up 

Natsu: And my father called me asking why the fucking shit 20K is missing so I had to explain to him and he got dissapointed 

Natsu: And I hate it when my dad's disappointed so never do that again 

Gray: Okay fine 

Erza: Okay first, thank you for bailing us out 

Natsu: You are welcome 

Erza: Secondly does he want the money back? 

Gray: Erza none of us can afford 20K not even in our dreams 

Natsu: Yeah no he doesn't really care he just wanted to know what the fuck cost 20K 

Natsu: He also can make that back easily so you guys are good 

Erza: We have managed to scare the gangs at least? 

Natsu: I guess bitch 

Lucy: I think they already fear Natsu 

Gray: They do and it's because he kicked their leader so hard he broke his ribs,, 

Gray: According to Natsu they were being annoying 

Natsu: They were bc they wouldn't leave me alone at all 

Natsu: It was always: Hey wanna fucking join us? [Insert a shitty threat here] And I'm already rolling my eyes at them saying no trying to be decent but after the 4th time the fucking patience I barely had snapped 

Lucy: That's suprisingly in Character for you 

Gray: Yes he has a temper Lucy yours is worse 

Erza: Actually out of all of us it's Mira's who's worse 

Gray: Worse than yours? 

Natsu: Ira is fucking batshit it's not surprising 

Lucy: You know Mira? 

Erza: You call her Ira? 

Natsu: Yes and yes 

Natsu: We grew up together she's basically a terrifying sister and I say that knowing exactly how big Elfman is I don't care she's always terrifying 

Gray: Fair enough 

Lucy: ;) 

Gray: No don't you fucking dare

Lucy: Didn't Gray scare both Minerva and Mira? 

Natsu: Babe you fucking what? 

Gray: :) it was for a good cause 

Erza: I change my mind I can't believe I forgot Gray is secretly terrifying and lures you in with his awkwardness and cute smile 

Gray: Hey! I'm genuinely a good person you shithead 

Natsu: Babe what the fuck? You scared Mira? Like Mirajane? 

Gray: Yes?? 

Lucy: I haven't seen him actually pissed off in a long time but I don't remember what happened that one time he did and that says something 

Erza: It was such a horrible event your mind repressed the memory 

Natsu: Why am I dating someone who's worse than fucking Ira? 

Gray: Bitch you fucking love me 

Natsu: I do I really do I'm just having a crisis 

Gray: It's not like it's easy to get me to that point 

Natsu: reassuring 

Lucy: No it isn't 

Natsu: Shut up 

___________

A bi & a pan walk into a bar 

The Pan: Babe what do you want from Bubbles? 

The Bi: Cherry Coke & the number 6 please 

The Pan: Ight & the rest of the heathens that I know are there? 

The Bi: Give me a second don't get in line yet 

The Pan: I'm not 

The Bi: Okay so Laxus just wants a #3, Gajeel wants a #2 & #4 with a sprite (No joking he's in his feelings right now), Rouge & Sting just want: #7 with a Pepsi (Yes they each want one), Lucy said to grab her a 6 (the only one with taste smh) and a lemonade & please grab Erza a 3 with a Water? (Jellal claims he already ate but get the bastard a coke & some fries) 

The Pan: Got you babe 

The Pan: She's getting off work at like 7 right? 

The Bi: Yes 

The Pan: Just move your hang out to my place it's closer to here & to her work I'm not gonna be back in enough time for her to be able to stay awake enough to eat something if it's at your place 

The Bi: Aight we should be there in 5 I'll text Erza & Tell your dad so he's not confused 

The Pan: Yeah got it 

___________

DM 

Natsu: Hey dad Gray & the others are going over. 

Igneel: Ah do they need to be fed? 

Natsu: I'm already picking something up. 

Igneel: What's the tea? Why at our place? 

Natsu: Erza is working late. Our place is closer to her work & she needs to stay awake long enough to eat something. 

Igneel: Fair enough. If she doesn't feel comfortable with driving I can get someone to pick her up. 

Natsu: Thanks Dad love you I gotta fuckin order 

Igneel: Love you too kid. I'm glad you have your own gaggle of dumbasses to look after 

___________

Natsu: Fuckin true I swear they are all stupid 

Igneel: I'm sending this to Gray 

Natsu: Wow time to die 

Igneel: Stop being dramatic 

___________

A bi & a pan walk into a bar 

The Pan: Here. You assholes better help me carry this shit in. 

The Bi: I'm gathering them we are going. 

The Bi: Also fuck you I'm not dumb

The Pan: I was talking about the REST of them 

The Bi: Okay wow you look tired 

The Pan: Work fucking sucks dude 

___________

The gays + the dumbasses 

The Brain Cell: Thank you for the food Natsu 

Simp 2.0: Np 

Thot™: You and Erza look dead 

Eye See: I am dead bitch 

The Drunk Relative: Ah here we go again 

Snake: The both of you are disasters.

The Good One: You can't talk 

Airport Securities Menace: Yeah bitch you can't talk 

Snake: Rude 

Simp 2.0: My dad called you all a gaggle of dumbasses and I swear I started laughing so hard in the truck that I swerved a little

The Drunk Relative: I'd say he's wrong but he's not 

Thot supreme: I need to add Rufus for two seconds to get his opinion because Jellal is a fucking whore 

Thot™: I am not you fucking bitch 

Thot supreme added Rufus to The gays + the dumbasses. 

Rufus: Why did you forsake me 

Thot supreme: It's for 2 seconds and you don't have to stay 

Rufus: Fucking bet what's up 

Thot supreme: So like does the body harness go on under or over a button down 

Rufus: Depends on the mood like if you are trying to be a subtle kinky bitch then under but if the shirt isn't that baggy & tight fitting than over 

Thot supreme: I FUCKING TOLD YOU JELLAL 

Thot™: Fuck you 

Rufus: Wait Natsu Dragneel is here? 

Thot supreme: He's my boyfriend wym 

Rufus: Oh no it's because I know the guy 

Thot supreme: He's not paying attention to anything but playing patty cake with Erza spill the tea 

Rufus: It's just that your boyfriend used to be a fighter when he was younger maybe around 13? 

Rufus: Went under the Anagram E.N.D which stood for Etherious Natsu Dragneel. He was an amazing fighter, an absolute delight to have at my club. 

Eye See: E.N.D? 

Snake: Oh shit I know about this 

Eye See: Why E.N.D? 

Airport Securities Menace: It was something fucked up his brother used to call him. And his brother is absolutely batshit. Like crazy needs help kinda batshit. Last I heard the asshole got arrested and is in a care facility actually getting help. 

Rufus: He was really going through it at the time. I hope he's okay now. 

Thot supreme: What the fuck? He never told me any of this??? 

Rufus: Talk to him chances are he didn't realize it was important. He never actually hides shit he's just a dumbass who's not used to others caring. 

Thot supreme: So you knew him knew him 

Rufus: Uh yeah? We were bros??

Thot supreme: Okay hold up finna have a conversation 

___________

Simp 2.0: Thanks for letting me type it. It's just bad memories. 

Eye See: That's fine we are just concerned. 

Snake: Seriously grab tissues. 

Simp 2.0: Fuck I forgot that's how I know you but uh so starting this shit show (sorry I didn't say anything about it it's not easy for me to talk about) 

Thot supreme: Baby it's fine 

Simp 2.0: Okay 

Simp 2.0: My brother's name is Zeref Dragneel he's really batshit he would say that I was supposed to murder him so he could finally die and more 

Simp 2.0: It was obviously fucked and after him trying to constantly get me to do that and him being gone because regardless of how much of a fucking dick he was he was still my brother and all I had left of my parents. 

Simp 2.0: To the suprise of no one I'm adopted, Igneel is really fucking kind to me and I'm grateful for it but uh so fighter thing I was kinda lost? Really? I didn't feel there at all it felt like I was on autopilot 

Simp 2.0: so uh Rufus who was the best and genuinely helped me so much during the time helped me because at that point I was 18? Just turned 18? Out of the system but struggling because I didn't have anyone 

Simp 2.0: The blue shop on the corner used to give me food. Free of charge. Let me work around a little and gain some sort of cash. 

Simp 2.0: He had offered me a job. A place with him and I took it. I don't remember why I did, maybe it was all getting to me. And I don't know exactly why I chose that horrid fucking name but maybe that's just exactly how I felt at the time? I don't know it was an emotional choice for whatever fucked reason maybe a last ditch effort to be " normal " again even if my " normal " was never healthy 

Simp 2.0: Uh parent thing I don't really remember what happened? I was young very young and Zeref had custody of me at that time 

Simp 2.0: Yeah that's uh the rough run down? I'm pretty sure? I don't think I'm missing anything? Maybe if I am I'll update you

___________

Simp 2.0: Y'all didn't have to make me fucking cry like that you assholes 

The Drunk Relative: Natsu's not allowed to be by himself ever 

Thot supreme: Yes two traumatized bitches in a relationship 

Simp 2.0: Traumatized and traumatized^2 

Thot supreme: Baby! 

___________

Thot supreme: Before I forget & Rufus gets mad at me, 

Thot supreme removed Rufus. 

Thot supreme added Lucy. 

Thot supreme changed Lucy's name. 

HURTfila: About time you fucking bitch 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading & let me know if you think the tags should be updated for Something! 
> 
> Also Rufus is removed and only stays after he's told he can leave the chat bc Rufus doesn't like texting he's usually ACTUALLY talking with Gray and calling his friends. (Also why his apperances are random). Gray's poor call logs look like this: 
> 
> TODAY  
> Rufus- 5 hours  
> Rufus-2 hours  
> Rufus- 3 hours 
> 
> YESTERDAY  
> Rufus- 7 hours  
> Etc. 
> 
> (These phone calls can be included if you'd like to have them! 👀)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading & don't worry this is going to continue!


End file.
